A message from Maria Coutant Skinner, LCSW, President & CEO
December 30,2025
Dear friends;
I hurt Greg’s feelings the other day. It happened in response to him doing something inconsiderate—and while I was already sad, hurt, and not feeling well, I lashed out in anger. Ugh.
Here’s what happened. I missed our grandson’s first birthday party because I was sick. It was a long, lonely day, and I waited for Greg to return from New Jersey so we could have dinner together. I hoped he might make some soup and share the details of the day’s celebrations. Instead, he made his own dinner and ate it in the kitchen while I was in the other room, unaware.
I reacted badly. I told him—nastily—that what he did was thoughtless (there may have been a few other choice words as well). It was not my finest moment. I apologized, but I could see the hurt I had caused, and I felt awful. Greg felt terrible too, recognizing the harm he had done.
This time of year offers us a natural pause: a chance to reflect on the year ending and look ahead to a fresh start, ideally carrying forward lessons that help us grow and evolve. There were many harms we witnessed in 2025—on both small and large scales. How we respond, individually and collectively, will shape how we move through 2026.
In her book On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World, Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg offers a framework for accountability and healing rooted in the work of the 12th-century Jewish philosopher Maimonides. She pushes back against a “forgive and forget” culture, arguing that true repair requires concrete action and genuine transformation from the person who caused the harm. This stands in contrast to our cultural tendency to urge people to “just let it go,” often pressuring forgiveness without the thoughtful, uncomfortable work of meaningful repair. We are often tempted to hotwire the process—to skip over the painful emotions that are essential to real healing.
Ruttenberg writes that a true apology must honor the full humanity of the other person; it is not transactional. “You don’t apologize at a person, you apologize to them. A true apology is about trying to see the human being in front of you… to make it abundantly, absolutely, profoundly clear that you get it now, and that their feeling better matters to you.” A genuine apology demands vulnerability and grows out of the deeper work of repentance and transformation.
This kind of work is deeply important—and deeply uncomfortable. It requires humility and self-reflection to hold ourselves accountable and not become defensive when often our first reactions are to deflect, justify, defend, or blame. We have all caused harm, intentionally or unintentionally, and we know what that feels like because we have all been on the receiving end as well. Repair must be part of the journey. It leads to deeper, more meaningful relationships and contributes to the health and wellbeing of our broader communities. Imagine a world where our policies and systems centered accountability and reconciliation—what a beautiful possibility.
Greg and I were able to have a reconciling conversation. We each owned the hurt we caused, offered forgiveness, and shared hugs. The next step is to continue working so we don’t repeat those patterns—we are, after all, works in progress. And for the record: last night, he made me soup, it was both comforting and healing.
Here’s to a happy, healthy 2026!
All my very best to you always,
Maria
Maria Coutant Skinner, LCSW
President and CEO
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