November 20, 2025

Graciously written and shared by Farrah McCullough, McCall Family Recovery Coach.

Holidays can be challenging—especially if you have a loved one in recovery or struggling with substance use.

Thanks in part to social media and TV commercials, people may feel the need to enjoy peak experiences at holiday gatherings. There’s a lot of pressure to “have fun and be happy.” What’s more, alcohol is a customary part of our holiday culture. In fact, the period between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day accounts for the most extreme cases of alcohol consumption and the highest incidence of binge drinking.

Tensions can arise when family members have a fear of the past repeating itself. Substance use has affected many holidays and may have caused repeated yearly trauma in families. Putting a plan in place as you enter the season can really help.

Start with a list.

What can be done to avoid issues? First of all, make a list of the things you feel are difficult about the holidays. This will help you feel grounded as you head into the season. Otherwise, you may be thinking: “Everyone else is so happy this time of year, what’s wrong with me?”

Self-awareness is essential. Acknowledge what is true and potentially uncomfortable so you can better understand how you’re feeling. Set limits for yourself: Don’t over-plan, over-commit, or spread yourself too thin, both mentally and physically.

It’s important to protect what really makes you happy. Naming what matters to you most will help you set boundaries. Don’t over-explain or apologize for your boundaries. Keep in mind, your loved ones may be upset with the fact that you’re setting limits. That’s why you need to show compassion without judgement when you set your boundaries.

Help your loved one cope.

Being in early recovery can put your loved one in a vulnerable position. Your loved one’s coping skills may be diminished due to substance use. They may have relied on substances to reduce anxiety or to make socializing less stressful.

You may want to brainstorm with your loved one and think about different ways that they can feel comfortable in holiday situations, exploring alternatives that are healthier than substance use. The mere fact that their feelings and thoughts are being considered will increase your loved one’s motivation for positive change.

Take care of yourself.

Self-care and compassion for yourself are necessary and can be derailed by prioritizing your loved one’s needs over your own. Attending to your own needs will actually help your loved one because you’ll be modeling healthy choices and habits for them.

Don’t forget to go back to the basics, such as sleep, healthy food, hydration, exercise, and contact with friends. Time spent with others boosts our mood and overall health.

Ways to deal with loss.

If you have lost a loved one this year, the glaring absence at your holiday events will be especially difficult. While you feel their loss every day throughout the year, try to establish new traditions this first season that will help memorialize your loved one in a sustainable way for years to come.

Create a memorial plate to represent the person who is no longer with us. It can be as simple as using a thrift store plate and a permanent marker. Then set the table with that symbolic plate so that your loved one has a space at the table this first year. This may lead to stories being shared about your loved one and hopefully smiles, love, and joy will come from the stories shared.

Lighting a candle can be a simple and beautiful way to remind us of those who are not able to gather alongside us this year.

Another idea is to have a glass bulb ornament that can be passed around with little slips of paper so that people can jot down a word or memory in honor of your loved one. The slips of paper are placed into the bulb. Next, seal the bulb and hang it in your home as a holiday decoration.

Whatever you choose to do, do it with love and you will find a new ritual that may help diminish any dread you may feel regarding the holiday season.

Accentuate the positive.

Embrace the memories of love, celebrate the good times of recovery, and acknowledge all you have endured. Remember your positive experiences with your loved one and cherish the good memories that you share. Hopefully, it will put your heart and mind in a better place throughout this coming holiday season.

If you feel that you need support and someone to talk to as the holidays quickly approach, please reach out. I am here to listen, collaborate, and help.

Warmly,

Farrah

McCall’s Family Recovery Coach Program is grant funded and provided at no-cost to all participants.

For more information contact:

Farrah McCullough

Family Recovery Coach

Phone: 959.988.2658

farrah.mccullough@mccallbhn.org

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