Transcription
*Due to technical difficulties, the first 15 seconds of this interview was not recorded.
0:00:00
…you’re waiting patiently, you’re doing the right thing, you’re being a responsible driver, and somebody cuts in front of you, and you get so mad. And so I’m thinking about two things as it relates to that. One is, have you ever had the experience where that person that cut in front of you turns out to be either an elderly person, and it wasn’t intentional, or it’s somebody that you know, like maybe your dear friend’s daughter, and your whole view towards them changes. And you create some space and understanding, oh, my gosh, I’m sure they didn’t mean to be a jerk to me. And so I think about that. And I think that will, you know, we’ll talk about that in a second.
0:00:43
But I also think about when we overreact to something small like that. it always means that something is going on with ourselves. Maybe I’m really, you know, I’m having a lot of stress in my life. I’ve got a lot going on and this feels like one more thing. So I think that callousness is usually attributable to one of those things. Either it’s self -protective or it’s that we don’t find anything relatable in the other person.
0:01:16
I think that’s a good way to begin, and I like the juxtaposition that you created with the traffic incident with somebody being a perfect stranger, then suddenly you realize it’s somebody that you know. If you have that connection, if you have some kind of kinship or familiarity with the other party, suddenly your view of what just happened changes. And I think that’s what we all need to try to get in our mindset of it here. Because there really is more that connects us than divides us, right?
0:01:48
Absolutely. And I think there are, like, there’s also these forces at work right now. There’s power structures that, rather than looking up and understanding systems are actually doing significant harm to particularly vulnerable populations, we’re getting messages to maybe be afraid or be angry at others. And that requires us to diminish the humanity in one another. It keeps us out of relationship with other people.
0:02:22
And then it’s easier to be callous and to be self -protective because we can say, well, it’s keeping me safe. Exactly. And that is human nature. It’s not to forgive us for it, but it’s to really try to move us toward our better angels. It’s like, yes, sure. And given current political climate and things that are going on, you can’t help but feel At the very least, unease.
0:02:44
And at the very most, downright afraid and concerned for fellow citizens. So that tends to make you self -protective. Pushing beyond that, I think, is our collective challenge.
0:02:57
I’ve seen example after example of us being able to do this. We have the capacity to be sophisticated, to stretch, like our hearts are elastic, and we can stretch and understand that humanity, recognize that in one another, and also see that there are injustices happening, and push against those things, rather than turning on one another and placing blame and shame on our neighbors. I’m not sure if we’re in a moment where this kind of collective thought may move in that direction, but it’s never been more evident in front of us. It seems like for certain parties, for certain people, regardless of their circumstances, it’s like this is a hard lesson time.
0:03:39
It’s not a time to understand why someone is in a certain place or situation, but this is wrong because we say it is, and you’re going to pay for it, and it’s gonna be very public. And that whole thing, it’s stark, it’s frightening, um and hopefully it’s it’s a point to where we’re going to ponder how we got here and how we get back to a kinder place right i think so and i think it starts with this idea that that someone who is hungry or homeless or suffering in any way is somehow cutting in front of us in line and taking something from a person who maybe has worked hard and deserved it. And I think we have to challenge that narrative. I’ve shared this story several times, but Sunday after church, my dad was at Trinity in Torrington and shared a story with me that he was at coffee hour in the parish hall and a person in a wheelchair, an elderly woman who had had a meal at the soup kitchen, wheeled up into the parish hall and was looking to say thank you. to the community that makes sure that people are fed and that people are warm.
0:04:56
And so she found my dad, who is a member of the vestry, and she said, I want to contribute.
0:05:05
And she gave everything that she had, and that was $0 .51. Wow. $0 .51. $0 .51. And she got to listen to the choir rehearse. And she felt part of, rather than somebody who is taking from, And I think all of us, every single one of us, want avenues to be able to be part of community.
0:05:30
And that includes being contributing members. And are we creating pathways in our hearts, in our minds, and in our structures so that we are all part of a community? And I think we’re almost out of time, but I also think like, if you find that that is hard to find that space to recognize the humanity, and you’re like, well, wait, no, there’s, I am mad, I am angry, I am lonely, or maybe, no, you don’t understand Maria and Dale. I’ve done things that have done harm, and I can’t find space to forgive myself.
0:06:11
That’s where we can meet you, and like, that’s what therapy’s for. That’s where we can sit with folks and help define that space, that grace, that self -compassion, so that we can recognize the humanity in one another. And that’s been the big come around for really all of our interviews that we’ve had here with the McCall Behavioral Health Network, is that finding that way toward healing of that better place, wherever your battle is, it starts with connection.
0:06:39
It starts with making a connection and having someone with empathy and compassion meet you where you are. and help guide you, help you along to where you want to be. Nobody’s too far gone. Like, if that’s feeling like you’re in such a dark place, or you’re lonely, or you’re really worried about somebody else, we’ll meet you there.
0:07:00
Maria Coutant Skinner, pleasure having you on the show.
0:07:03
Always great to be with you, Dan.
0:07:04
Thank you so much for all the great work that you and the folks at McCall do each and every day. Thank you.
0:07:09
Appreciate you.
0:07:10
And the best for the holidays, of course. Yes, you too.
0:07:12
And with that, we’ll head back to the newsroom and get your bottom hour update. Hey there, Jeff. Hello, Dale. Thank you. Great job, Maria, as always.