Transcription
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822 on FM 97.3 WZBG. Really excellent timing with our monthly interview with the folks from the McCall Center Behavioral Health Network. Maria Couton Skinner, Executive Director there is our guest this morning. Good morning, Dale. Welcome to the program. Thanks for coming in. Pleasure. So, Christmas comes up on Sunday. You know, this is the hustle, bustle, merry, bright lights, crazy celebration, what have you, time of year. Not everybody is feeling that, you know? And for people out there who are challenged with that predominant emotion that we’re supposed to be feeling, that’s kind of our topic today.
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Right. Yeah. be feeling. That’s kind of our topic today. Right. Yeah. And I think human beings are so complicated. So you can have all kinds of complicated feelings. You could be looking forward to the holidays. You could be enjoying it. And you can also have these feelings of discomfort. So I was looking forward to having this conversation with you so we can kind of honor all of that. Right. You know, it is a complicated time because lots of people that are reminded maybe of loss this time of year, time because lots of people they’re reminded maybe of loss this time of year, relatives who are not around the holiday table anymore, maybe relationships that aren’t where they would like them to be, maybe economic challenges because they can’t put under the tree what they would like to for family and loved ones. So yeah, I mean for all of these reasons the holiday can be less than merry and I guess the underlying message here is you know what that’s okay. Right, exactly. So I message here is, you know what, that’s okay. Right, exactly. So I have a story to share with you. My birthday was on Friday, and I love my birthday, and so Greg and I, our older daughter Emma, lives in Boston. So we thought, okay, we’re gonna go meet up with Emma and her friends. We’ve been looking forward to this for a long time, driving into Boston, taking them out for dinner, really looking forward to that.
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Weather wasn’t great, driving was kind of bad, north end of Hartford on a The weather wasn’t great, driving was kind of bad. North end of Hartford on a Friday night, the week before Christmas, and also there was a Celtics game on. It meant that we were in that car a very long time, very late for the reservation, Emma had to keep moving it. Greg was driving as we were moving through the north end of Hartford, which as you know is narrow streets, tons of traffic right there where the Celtics were playing. streets, tons of traffic right there where the Celtics were playing and it was maddening and it was this feeling I was getting more and more and more stressed. Anxious. And there was one parking area that was charging 50 bucks and Greg was like I’m not paying 50 bucks so we had to keep driving around finally I said I kind of lost it I was like I need to get out of this bleeping car I And I kind of lost it.
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I was like, I need to get out of this bleeping car. I can’t say what I said in WZBG. I was like, let’s just pay the $50 and get out of this car. So we pulled in and poor Greg was like, whoa. So we go, we have dinner, we have a wonderful night, come back driving. But I wasn’t, leading up to my birthday and even the day after, I wasn’t feeling right. up to my birthday and even the day after, I wasn’t feeling right. And it didn’t make sense because so many wonderful things, blessings beyond compare, had been going on. Like, kids are healthy, Greg’s good, you know, like…
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Life is good. What’s going on? Yeah. So I had to take some time. And Saturday, and for me, when I go for a run, that’s when I can like really do the when I go for a run, that’s when I can like really do the work of scanning my body, figuring out what’s going on. And I realized, so we do this exercise. I’ve been, you know, a therapist studying trauma for like 30 years. You would think that I wouldn’t have an episode where I have a temper tantrum about a traffic jam, but we’re human, right? So I could feel it in my heart. And on I could feel it in my heart.
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And on my birthday, I miss my mom. It doesn’t matter how old you are. I’m 54 now. And my mom’s been gone 10 years. And it wasn’t a conscious thought. I had to do the work to find, to scan my body, and find where that pain was. And then I had to do that. So I outlined the steps so we could talk about it. And I hope that that’s then helpful to other people. steps so we could talk about it and I hope that that’s then helpful to other people.
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I think that’s important and I hope as we get older we’re better at getting to the cause and I’ll just briefly say that sometimes when I find myself cranky and anti-social and snappish it’s like alright dig down what’s bugging you. That’s right. And I can get at it faster than I used to be able to. Because you’ve practiced. Because I’ve practiced and I’m 61. I’ve had a few years at it. able to. Because you’ve practiced. Because I’ve practiced and I’m 61. I’ve had a few years at it. So please, outline the steps toward that for people who also are facing the kind of surprise mood that you just outlined. I like that you just named some of the things.
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Are you snappish or do you feel like you want to fast forward through the holidays? Do you feel like you just want to not do it? Skip Christmas. Or are there little pockets where Skip Christmas. Yeah, or I mean, where are their little pockets where you’re like, you know, irritable or sad or whatever. That’s our body telling us a story and it’s important that we pay attention to it because our culture tells us to stuff it or, or… Drown it. Exactly. Right.
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Numb it. Yep. And so we’re talking about doing the opposite because we want to expand our window of tolerance. And that’s the whole thing. Right. Expand our window of tolerance and that’s the whole thing right so in that car when I was feeling Crabby yep, that was a time for me to try to practice this to expand my window of tolerance So first we want to recognize it then Before we escape you know either reach for a glass of wine or get crabby at our partner We want to ground ourselves We want to ground ourselves, taking some deep breaths.
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There’s tricks that you can do. You find three things that you can visualize. What are you hearing right now? Can you land in your body tactically? What are you smelling? What are you feeling? Find where it is. So for me, it was in my heart. And then you want to sit with it. Trust that you’re sturdy enough to sit with it and honor it.
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dirty enough to sit with it and honor it. And then, and this is hard for a lot of people, give yourself grace and compassion. Instead of beating yourself up, because that doesn’t help anybody, extend yourself grace and compassion. And if you can, find a witness, somebody who you trust, who you can share it with, and you can process it through. And that’s the healthy thing. And that’s the healthy thing. And then the other really wonderful outcome of this is that then we can extend grace and compassion to others much more readily when we’re able to do that for ourselves.
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Yep. Good advice. And I know a lot of people have the same kind of emotions, have the same kind of scenarios that you outlined, that you lash out something uncharacteristic or something that you feel is out of place given this time of year. or something that you feel is out of place given this time of year, what is at the root of it? Exactly. Give yourself time to figure it out, to process it, so then you can then get back to that state of grace and share it with others.
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And it takes practice. It does take practice. We’re making this sound incredibly simple. It’s not, but it is an exercise. It is. You know, and it’s one of those things that hopefully will help people enjoy the holidays It’s one of those things that hopefully will help people enjoy the holidays to the best that they’re able to, whatever their scenario may be. I sure hope so, because life has a lot of joy in store for us, and we want to be able to access that. But that’s not the whole story. The full measure of the human experience has all of those emotions, and we have to be prepared prepared and willing to honor each part of it.
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And it’s not easy and it’s a daily exercise, made more challenging by the crazy schedule we’re under right now, but appreciate the words of wisdom, Maria, thank you. My pleasure. Maria Skinner, our guest this time. Executive Director at the folks from McCall Behavioral Health Network, I still want to say McCall Center for, you know, the old title, but McCall Behavioral Health Network. We’re all works in progress.
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All works in progress to everyone and the wonderful behavioral health network. All works in progress to everyone and the wonderful work that you guys do. Best of this holiday season and continued success in 2023 because we sure need you around. Thank you, Dale. Thank you. With that we’ll head back to the newsroom and get your bottom hour update. Here’s Jeff. Thank you, Dale. 17 degrees with a clear sky at 830. Good morning.