Raw Confessions From the Cereal Aisle

A Message from Maria Coutant Skinner, LCSW, President & CEO

March 31, 2025

Dear friends;

I don’t mean to trouble you with a tale of woe, there’s a lot of that in the ethos nowadays…but I am going to be very vulnerable about what led me to cry in the grocery store yesterday – with the hope that by doing so, you’ll know you’re not alone.

It’s been an intensely demanding time of late. Lots of (exciting) projects in the McCall pipeline that are complex and detailed. Also, as you can imagine, I’ve been worried about the federal funding cuts and the implications therein. And I’m certainly consuming too much news, and as I’m witnessing the cruelty towards particularly vulnerable people – I feel frightened, enraged, and sad.

To be very honest, my coping strategies have been less than ideal and I’m feeling that. My insomnia has been a challenge, along with teeth grinding and intense jaw pain, and then on Friday, I awoke with a stye in my right eye. All the signs that my body sends me when anxiety is running the show.

This weekend, I was determined to address these feelings and return to my restorative practices. My husband Greg and I even did some of my favorite activities, including taking our dog Louie on a hike, but I wasn’t present. My mind was swirling with the myriad things beyond my control and perseverating on my task list. Instead of resting, I busied myself with errands, trying to quell the building anxiety. I confess, I used all my go-to bad habits; being hyper productive, keeping distracted, and people pleasing. I was aware of what I was doing intellectually, but it wasn’t enough.  So, there I was in Fresh Market, feeling that familiar warm flush, tight, heavy chest, and then, the tears started flowing.

I just finished Gabby Bernstein’s book; Self Help, a brilliant description of Dick Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems (IFS) model of therapy. In it, Gabby makes herself vulnerable by describing her process of checking in with the parts of her that show up when she is anxious or uncomfortable and asking how they are protecting and serving her. The concept of “Self”, in IFS / Dr Schwartz’s parlance is a rich inner resource that we are all born with. “Self” can be thought of as the seat of our consciousness, or our essential nature as a human being. It is characterized by calmness, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness. “Self” can create some space between these protector parts, get curious about what that part is protecting us from, and extend compassion to it. I called Greg from the cereal aisle and asked him to just talk with me for a few minutes as I took some time to check in with the parts of me that were feeling sad and anxious.  It was a gift to have access to this space and this process.

I have been very fortunate to have a mental health set point of contentment accessed through hope and gratitude. That’s in large part due to environmental factors like having plentiful resources, including good health, safety, and privilege. I have an amazing family and friends, a career that fulfills me, and a community that accepts me.  I also have had the benefit of perspective; I recognize the enormous blessings present in my life and never lose sight of how very fortunate I am.  Notably, that has actually obscured some of the signs I mentioned because acknowledging those meant two things in my mind; that it was impermissible to experience such things; even an offense to those with less, and, that admitting to these vulnerabilities would convey to the world that I was not strong enough to be a trusted leader and caregiver. Therefore, I continued to deploy my socially acceptable coping mechanisms, which effectively protected me against those painful outcomes. That is, until my body rebelled. 

I allowed myself to feel it all, my friends. (I should mention that I was no longer in the cereal aisle, I was with Greg in my kitchen.)  It was freeing to go through the IFS process and understand what role these physical symptoms were playing in protecting me. “Self” was now in charge and I gained clarity.

I recognize the small pieces of change I have influence over in the larger political picture, and I’m using my actions and voice to do what I can. I have permission to weep AND be grateful for the abundance in my life.  I can rest when I’m weary and trust that my colleagues and community share in working towards solutions.

I spoke with my daughter Emma later in the day. Emma is a social worker at the Center for Transgender Health at the Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. She is an extraordinary professional and an amazing human. Emma reminded me that there is a beautiful history in the queer community of finding joy amidst hardships. She said that dancing, laughter, and celebration are acts of resistance and the cornerstone of community.

If you’re weary, please, dear ones, check in, allow yourself to take some time to recharge. Give the parts of you that are hurting compassion and forgiveness. Allow “Self” to emerge. Weep, if your spirit moves you – and then, let’s find joy, together.

My best to you always,

Maria Coutant Skinner, LCSW

President and CEO

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